Now I know that’s a controversial thing to say right now. Especially in these times of defining consent. But to be honest it’s the most accurate and succinct way to describe my experience last week.
For those of you who hang out with me more regularly you will know my struggle to make sense of time and energy. This constant battle of having too much to do and too little time. The hustle that comes from managing multiple businesses, a household, looking like I have it all together while simultaneously being everything to everyone.
This is such a common struggle particularly for women as we try on the superhero suit. This need to be busy, to be needed, to be useful, to be allowed to take up space is a deep wound that impacts our physical and mental health.
Last week my body finally screamed STOP and for the first time ever I listened. I dealt with the persistent gum infection that has plagued me all year. I went to bed in the middle of the day and rested, sleeping deeply and dreaming vividly. But biggest of all I abandoned the launch of my upcoming program. I stopped working. No more hustle, no more grind, no more doing, no more pushing through. I just stopped.
Because I decided that I don’t want to be a hustler anymore.
I don’t want to be wondering what time it is when I’m having a coffee with a friend because I’ve planned to be back at my desk by a certain time.
I don’t want to say no to my hubby when he suggests a spontaneous day trip to the coast because I’m having an internal combustion worrying when I’ll catch up on all I have to do.
I don’t want to ignore the phone when my kids ring because I’m in the middle of something important – I want them to be more important.
I don’t want to schedule a round trip when I need bread simple because I want to be efficient.
So, I am now knee deep in the uncertainty of how I’m going to move this business forward. How I’m going to build, scale and grow a business which I am so passionate about WITHOUT hustling.
Instead, what I am absolutely certain about is that on the other side of this is a better way to be. An authentic, vibrant, magnetic way to be. I’m going to share this journey with you every step of the way. I know that as women we are not at our best when we "busy" our way through life. For me it’s time to dig even deeper into these wounds and free myself from the hustler.
When I said no to my business, I said yes to us.
PS I'd love to hear how the hustler shows up for you. Hit reply and let me know and I'll include your feedback in my "experiment".